What Isn't There

The goal of this series was to explore a sense of grief and isolation. The sequence of the photos almost tells a short story in first person.

My step mother passed away over the summer of 2024, and in the months following, my father had been experiencing profound grief and depression. In a way, this series was a cathartic exercise, as I was the sole person that he was able to lean on, so I had been shouldering a lot of his feelings. This series allowed me to sort of put myself in his mindset and capture it. The feeling of figuratively and literally being alone in the world, the end of something that has been a mainstay in your life or it fading away, no longer feeling someone's touch or seeing their face... I didn't want the metaphors to be obvious, but I wanted the photos to subconsciously bring that emotion to the forefront and demonstrate something that was there, but now it isn't.

Reflection

In terms of planning, I spent a few days compiling a list of ideas that resonated with my goal. Initially, I had two ideas and created a list of possible shots that would convey my concept, both of them were centered on sort of negative emotions. Maybe it's because of the lack of daylight as we head towards the winter solstice. Ultimately, I decided the concept of this loneliness and isolation spoke to me more. And, as such, black and white felt appropriate.

I ended up taking over 240 photos altogether (many of which are of the same thing, at a different angle or setting) and whittled them down to what I felt were the strongest, composition-wise. The photos were taken over the span of several days. I really tried to work with the light I had available, rather than manipulating it much. I wanted to really try to take into consideration the light, as Leonie mentioned in class. I especially tried to factor in the sunlight for the photos I took outdoors. I found myself sort of just snapping photos from wherever I was, looking back at them, and thinking "wait, this would probably be best from across the street" or something like that. With the bench especially, I played around with how the shadows fell a lot.

This was a bit of a challenge, which I assume it was meant to be. Planning and executing are two very different things. There were quite a few ideas I had that seemed like they would be fantastic photos, but I either didn't have the means of carrying it out, or it simply just was not working. One photo I really wanted, but it just wasn't working for me because I didn't have the space or setting for it was the image of a jacket hanging on a door with shoes under it. I couldn't find a spot in my home that the lighting worked in, or that I could get a good angle where something I didn't want in the photo was. Things like that were frustrating.

As I was uploading these together, also, I found myself wishing I took an approach that was focused on single objects. I'm not sure what other objects I might have used, but seeing them along with the outdoor photos definitely makes it a little less cohesive, for me anyway. While it does still tell a story like I said, I think stylistically, it would be a more aesthetic set if they were all outdoor/wider-scale or all with a black background and closer objects. But hindsight is 20/20. Either way, the images themselves I feel turned out with my intention.